Wrote May 18, 2018 in Draper, UT Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

Recently I have gained the experience or wisdom to understand the Ego. It’s funny how you can fill yourself with knowledge and not truly know or understand something until you have had the proper or needed experiences. I read a book on the Ego about 4 years ago. This book was filled with plenty of knowledge on the subject, but after reading and studying it at the time I believe I lacked the experience or wisdom needed to understand it. It was not until recently, after I had been in the full grip of the Ego and had admitted defeat that I was able to understand it.

Humility

Now humility means much more to me. Before it was something I thought I understood and I did to a certain extent but did not realize how important it was. Before understanding the Ego I had no way of knowing how important humility was. Now humility is one of my most powerful tools against the Ego.  I use to run from humility, now I welcome it. Before I saw the Ego as the self, I now know and understand the Ego is just an illusion of the self. Everything about the Ego is an illusion.

The Source of Sin

The Ego is one of the most tricky tricksters I know. Sometimes when I think of the Ego I feel like I was misled, ignorant and nieve my whole life. The Ego leads me to believe that what made me miserable or what took my peace was the source of happiness or my means for happiness. It dictated how happy I was, how much I was allowed to love certain things and/or people and why. The more I understand about the Ego the easier it is for me to compare it to sin. The word sin was derived from Greek and literally means to miss the mark. To go through life causing yourself and others misery is to miss the mark. The Ego has lead many people to believe they are working against misery and for peace when in fact they are working with misery and against peace. They literally miss the mark. Now I see the Ego as the source for sin and humility as the greatest tool or weapon against the Ego. Since the Ego is so good at fooling us into believing that it is part of our true self or is the self, when we hurt the Ego we feel like and believe we are hurting ourselves. Naturally, with this illusion in place, we run from what hurts the Ego and towards misery.

Words of Wisdom

For a long time I have been seeking the ultimate truth about life, religion, spirituality and the more I understand the more I can add to that list. With the gained experience, understanding or wisdom I’m able to appreciate the words of wisdom from many spiritual texts. Now the quote from Jesus Christ “Deny thyself” means much more to me. Before I did not understand it.

Man’s Pursuit for Happiness

When I think of the Ego I think about the Musk Deer: Musk is a kind of valuable, extremely fragrant salve found in the navel of the musk deer, a habitant of the highest Himalayan Hills of India. At a certain age, the ravishing odor of musk secretly oozes out of the navel of the musk deer. The deer becomes excited at the attractive odor of musk and frisks about, sniffing under trees, and searching everywhere for many weeks to find the source of the fragrance. Finally he grows angry and very restless when he is unable to find the source of the musk perfume, and jumps from the high cliffs into the valley, trying to reach the source of the rare fragrance, and thus plunges to death. It is then that the hunters get hold of him and tear out the pouch of musk. The Ego tricks people into chasing happiness that they have had all along. It’s much like the Musk Deer.

One thing that has fascinated me for some time is how many rich and famous people have been so miserable to the extent of suicide. Why is it that so many people who seem to have everything are so miserable? Is it because these things are the Ego being fed to it’s fullest? Is it because the things that the Ego wants the most are actually the source of misery, not happiness?

Stepping Away from the Ego

Recently I read that many people who have had near-death experiences, people who have actually died have one thing in common: They all felt a complete sense of peace and contentment. It’s believed since they were temporarily stripped of everything of form they were able to step away from the Ego and experience what it feels like without the Ego. It’s said that there have been many on death-row even that have had the same experience. Since they no longer had any attachments they were able to step away from the Ego and experience a sense of peace, love, contentment, and oneness like they have never experienced before.

Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like without the Ego. I believe without the Ego my love for everyone and everything would be equal. I believe without the Ego I would always be happy, joyous, content and at peace. Without the Ego, I would be one with everything because there would be nothing to separate me from everything.